Peter Serafinowicz – “The Mactini”

I’ve only just got acquainted with Peter Serafinowicz because I hardly ever watch television. No, really I don’t. I watch about 20 – 30 hours a year maximum. This excerpt from his recent Christmas show just happened to be on YouTube. Look for more of his work on this BBC page. Generally speaking, it’s suitable for an adult audience.


How To Cook Children

A gruesome and grisly recipe book by Martin Howard and Colin Stimpson. Yes that’s the same Colin Stimpson as is featured in the blogroll to the right.
I never realised he had such a morbid streak.

The book contains lots of useful and tasty recipes, including instructions on how to cook Flat Jacks:

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(Click to enlarge the thumbnail image, please)

The author half of the partnership, Martin Howard, has collected recipes from some of the world’s wickedest witches to make this sumptious smorgasbord of toothsome tots.

Esmelia Sniff, below, is described as

The greatest witch what ever lived. Unlike all the other useless old bags in this book she is a decent, proper witch who likes a good cackle, mumbling over her cauldron and widdling in her drawers…. …Her greatest ambition is to stuff that Harry potter in a nice pie.

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Esmelia Sniff

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LaTrina Skidmark, creator of the unforgettable fast food snack called “Deepfried Small Fry with Fries” Yum. (Click her picture to make her much bigger. If you dare)

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Maman Bumbumbaya (left), who contributed the recipe for Cajun Cherub Gumbo.

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Mad Elaine de la Moustache, who cooks Enfant aux Escargots et Grenouilles in ze French style contributed this recipe…. The frog does not seem to be taking this at all well. (Click him to see why).

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Janie Groviller’s crowning contribution was this oh-so-tasty Kate and Sidney Pie. (Click to reveal).

Janie (below) remembers she has left somebody in the oven…

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“How to Cook Children” is no featherweight book, either. It runs to nearly eighty pages, with Colin Stimpson’s witty illustrations on every spread.
The back of the book contains a delightful Yellow pages style listing of the witches’ restaurants. A guide to the coven’s ovens, as it were.

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This ghoulish goulash of a book seems to be ideal bedtime reading that’ll scare the sage and onion stuffing out of your children at Hallowe’en.

See the review of Colin’s previous book “The Poison Diaries” in Articles and Texticles here.
Amazon link:


Countryman’s Cooking – W.M.W.Fowler’s Cookery for Men

The forthright and wildly eccentric musings on food and its preparation written by an RAF bomber pilot who returned from prison camp after WW2 to his bleak homeland where rationing and a long tradition of terrible cuisine frustrated his yearning for a decent meal.

Leslie Phillips reads from WMW Fowler’s definitive cookery manual for men. First sold 40 years ago by Willie Fowler in his local pub and recently rediscovered in a charity shop, these joyfully wicked musings retain a surprising relevance today. Abridged by Neil Cargill.

BBC Radio 4

First clip: The introduction.
The common cormorant.
Second clip: How to cook a cormorant.

Clearing The cellar – Terrible Lawyer Joke

* Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
* Witness: “No.”
* Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
* Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
* Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
* Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

(More terrible lawyer jokes)…